Diary Entry

Fellow bloggers this maybe a one time thing, however I am going to write an entry that is like a diary entry. I apologize if it maybe to long but I just wanted to express a little of my dark, deep and sad side of me. This was many months ago and I left it in the past in a locked up place where I know that if I get to that point in my life again that I know what I can do to avoid it from breaking me down again.

      The sky is so blue, the sun is so bright and yet I cover my face with these masks. Depending on the mood I am going through that day, today’s mood is depression. I sit back and wait until you return; you return to me I am so excited. Wait! Something is different, you don’t smile or laugh the same, and you feel distant why?

            You hide behind this mask but the mask is so cold, so bland, so not you. You come closer and I keep seeing something other than who I fell in love with. This mask is doing a very good job at keeping me away from you, it scares me, makes me feel weak, lonely, hopeless but most of all not loved. I put my mask on to hide the embarrassment, shame, pain and the tears. You promise you would never leave however yet you are here but not here; you love another that’s why you wear your mask. Have we lost ourselves somewhere in this deep dark tunnel of no return or are we really drifting apart?

          My mask has a frown due to the pain that has been caused either from you or from me. I loved you with my whole entire body as well as my soul. You kept a secret for eight months and the mask shows no remorse nor regret is that how you feel? I am a broken soul lost in the world of Netherland as I try to find the Lost Boys to help me get back to you; you didn’t bother to even look for me. You just leave me in this unrealistic world fighting alone with Peter Pan to keep Captain Hook in his place. This mask is my protection, however, the protection didn’t work so well due to the fact that you have still manage to tell me you don’t know what you want but you ask for a break. What mask will you wear now? The one that says I can’t be with you but I don’t know how to say it to you or the one that says I fell in love with her and it’s time to move on! Which one is going to break my heart more?

          The last mask I have is a smile that sits beside my frown; one that sits in the depths of my closet. However, I will never use that one since I have no reason to be happy, no reason to smile. I will wear it around the people that don’t know me nor understand me. They see a smile on my face so they don’t bother to ask what is wrong or why am I sad? They just leave me alone as well as believe that I am happy which makes it easier for me to move on with my life. My smile mask is to hide the depression, the sore, the pain, the broken heart but most of all hide my face from the mere fact that I have just lost the one person that I have truly loved. Behind my smiling mask are tears that fall so slowly on my cold rosy cheeks. I have come to realize I lost you and I have no choice but to move on. Goodbye, true love and welcome misery that brings her company. Farewell!